Saying Goodbye to My Mother

The Beginning of Another Beautiful Day

(My last picture with Mom.  December 2011)

March 19, 2012  Monday 

My dear Mom passed away this afternoon.  It has been a very long day and a very long few years.  But she is finally at peace and is dancing and singing once again.  

Yes we were given warning on Saturday evening.  She hadn't been able to eat or drink anything for three days.  She slowly starved to death over the past year.  She just couldn't swallow much.  She has been on hospice for 3 1/2 years.    

I had about an hour alone with her and Dad on Sunday afternoon. They had told Dad that it was getting close, which they had done two other times in the past 6 months.  Jimae had gone to check on her Saturday evening and didn’t see much difference.  But if it was, I wanted to be with her one more time. While I was there I laid on the bed by her so I could see her face.  I held her hand.  She opened her eyes and spoke love to me through them for about 20 minutes.  I know now that she was telling me good-bye.  I spoke to her and told her how much I loved her.  I softly sang Tura Lura Lura to her while I tried to tell her to rest, to sleep, after she had been awake that long.  But she was running a fever and her hands were as hot as a heating pad, and heavy labored breathing.    Dad said she hadn't been awake that long for days.  I kissed her good-bye, then left for home not knowing how long it would be. 

Dad had asked me to send an email to everyone that we would have a fast on Wednesday.  We were to pray that "when Heaven was ready for Mom, that Dad was ready to let her go".   But just knowing that he was ready to let her go, the prayers by children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren across the nation were enough.  Mom passed away Monday just after noon.  Prayers are answered.  

Dad called me early Monday morning and said he felt it was close. Jimae talked to the center nurse and hospice nurse and they both thought we had just a few hours.  I called Ed.  Kriss was with him.  They wanted to get on a plane and come, but that we weren’t to use oxygen to make Mom suffer any longer.  When I got there Jimae, Mike, and Mark had already arrived.  Dan had gone to Nevada and turned around to come home.  Dixie was hours away in St George.  Mom looked totally different from the night before.  Her eyes were open, half slits, not blinking anymore, with loud heavy raspy breathing.  They said she had pneumonia. 

Various grandchildren came and went throughout the morning.  We played some of Mom’s favorite musicals and love songs from the 40’s while the four of us packed up their belongings. Dad sat by her bedside, holding her hand.  Maybe it was a bit irreverent to be doing but that was want Dad wanted.  And Mom wasn’t ready to go yet.   It was a Bodell Get-to-gether and Mom didn't want to miss the last one.  I also thought that Mom was waiting around for Aunt Maurine to finish getting the reunion planned on the other side. 

The pictures and holiday decorations of their life from the past year and a half were safely packed away.  The hospice nurse had given Mom morphine for the pain and something to dry up the secretions so her breathing was more peaceful.  The last few boxes were packed and pushed into the hallway.  As if by inspiration, a reverent feeling covered the room. The hospice harp player arrived for her weekly visit, as if on cue, and played soft music for a half hour as the last boxes were loaded in cars and truck. The room was now pure and clean. We were prepared for the final chapter to begin.  Laura and Cristina, granddaughters, arrived and sang some hymns.  Dad then gave her a beautiful blessing--sealing her up to heaven, then within an hour we watched her take her last breath, all of us watching the rise and fall of her chest. The hospice nurse stood in a corner, to watch and tell us when it was happening.  Dad held her tightly in his arms, quietly telling her in her ear, “goodbye...go to your Mom and Dad, go to your grandsons, and go to your brothers and sisters” who had all gone on before her. She loved reunions and this had to be one of the best reunions ever.  

As my Mom left us and this earthly life I was laying on the bed on the other side of her, touching her, my hand gently on her shoulder and trying to feel every breathe she took, knowing that each one may be her last. And when she took that last breathe, all of us almost stopped breathing too.  There was silence.  Then after about 15 seconds she took just three more short breaths, then Mom was gone.  I literally felt my Mom rise.  It was a feeling I hope never to forget and always be able to testify of.  I felt it.  She was there and then she had risen.  

On this Easter morning, three weeks after Mom’s passing, I wanted to write this, to engrave it in my memory.  And in a blink of an eye, there was a powerful spirit that entered the room and our hearts.  I felt it.  The Holy Ghost, testified to me again of his comforting spirit.  He was there--to bring us peace.  A peace that has stayed with us the past three weeks.  He is real.  He too, testifies to us of where Mom is, and that we can one day be together again.  I pray and look forward to the happiness of that beautiful day when I will see my mother again. 

After Mom passed we spent some time with her, not knowing what to do next.   Kriss arrived just about five minutes after Mom passed.  Dad went to say a few short farewells to friends and aides that had cared for them.  We then gathered back in the room surrounding the bed.  We sang “Love at Home” then Dad gave a prayer of gratitude for our loving wife and mother and a blessing upon each of us.   Then because everything was "prepared", Dad was able to walk out with all the rest of us.  Mom’s physical body was prepared and laid upon the stretcher.  We all walked down the long hallway together.  And for the first time in over 70 years, Mother and Father’s paths went two different ways.  Mom to go prepare their new heavenly home, and Dad to finish the “work” he had to do in this life.  We all walked out, not looking back.  Last night was the first night in so many years Dad didn't need to worry about Mom.  He knew she was in the best place she could be.  What a great testimony of eternal love they have been to all of us. 

Mother was buried with her poetry book, with a pair of red high heeled shoes (she had always wanted a pair), a pair of beautiful new white tap shoes, and her’s and Dad’s book of love letters they wrote to each other during the World War 2.  After the kneeling family prayer each of the children said our last goodbye.  I had always been afraid to touch someone who had died.  I didn’t think I could.  I hadn’t touched her since she was warm with life and a fever.  But as I stepped forward I was drawn to touch her for the last time in this life.  Her hand was cool to the touch.  So different from the fevered hand of illness and infection the few days before.  I touched my lips to her forehead.  It actually calmed my fears.  It was my last kiss to my dear mother.  Then we watched our father stand from his wheelchair, to tell her goodbye.  Tears rolled down our eyes.  That temporary separation just seemed too long and so much to bear.  Then Jimae, Kriss, Dixie and I stepped forward to veil her face.  I gazed at her through that shimmering veil and knew that one day I too, will pass through the veil and she will be waiting for me on the other side. 

We took a precious string of pearls, a gift Dad had given Mother years ago, and made 40 single pearl necklaces.  Today I wear a pearl from her necklace, near my heart, to remember her, knowing that daughters, granddaughters, and one day great grand-daughers will all be wearing this same reminder of my loving mother. 

It truly was A Beautiful Day...


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On this first Mother's Day without you with us:  Thank you Mother, for a beautiful life well lived and well loved.  You have taught us all a new way to love and I want you to know how grateful I am that "God sent me to your house to live."